Ok, I got the ring. Now what?

This was the text message I received from my younger brother, Joseph. I sensed a bit of panic, relief and anxiety in those 7 simple words. Like so many before him and so many to come purchasing the ring was the start of a bigger, much scarier process. A process that you probably have never been through and have no idea what to expect. Do wedding bells atomically start ringing when I propose? Do I want a band or DJ? How do I know who to invite? Do I have to tell everyone what day I’m getting married 45 seconds after I propose? So many questions and not enough answers.

Lucky for my brother, and for you, I have seen this story time and time again and I’m happy to walk you through what to expect during the process. I have curated 5 steps to get you through the proposal and the start of wedding planning. This is the information I shared with my own brother so know it’s the truth.

1. Public or Private: Now that you have the ring decided if the proposal will be in public or in private? This decision should be based on you and your significant other, not what your great Aunt Linda thinks. If you know your future spouse loves intimate nights at home, then setting candles and flowers in your living room while they are in the shower is the perfect way to start a new life. If they are a party animal and love to host, turn that Friday game night into a proposal while all your favorite people are there. Do what’s best for your relationship.

2. Document the Occasion: If you choose to do it privately, try to make sure you get some good selfies to commemorate the happy affair. Things will happen fast and there will be a ton of happy emotions. Don’t forget to snap some photos before calling mom to share the good news.  If you have a public proposal, make sure at least one person in the room knows it’s coming, and they are ready to go when you give the signal. Please choose your friend with tight lips and portrait mode on their iPhone! Nothing is worse than a ruined surprise and grainy pictures.

3. Take a moment: Breathe! You did it and they said yes, hopefully. (If they did not, click to here to read 5 ways to bounce back after the love of your life rips your heart out.) If you proposed privately, this is the time you guys sit there and stare at each other lovingly. Take in the magical beginning of your journey. If you proposed in public, still make sure you take a moment. Sneak away to a bedroom or bathroom and stare at each other lovingly. This is still a magical beginning to your journey. Steal a kiss before everyone begins to ask if you know when you want to get married. It’s been 45 seconds people!

4. Logic, Listen, List: The three L’s are key here and are super important (unlike 3LW, google the group when you are done reading). You proposed, documented with photos, took a moment to take it all in… now comes the important part. The two of you need to sit down and talk about what’s next. Logically, how much can you spend on a wedding and who will contribute to the budget? Listen to what’s important to your partner. Some grooms feel very strongly about having the Chicago Players as their band and an open bar and couldn’t care less about the venue, season, or day of the week. Some brides would die if they couldn’t have a Saturday wedding or a cake by Erin Martin of ECBG Cake Studio, but it doesn’t make a difference if the bourbon on the bar is Bulleit or Maker’s Mark. This is the time for the newly engaged couple to sit down and list out their three must haves. Use Logic, Listen to each other, and make a List of priorities. If you have a $70,000 wedding budget, you can NOT make original Hamilton cast performing during your cocktail hour a priority. I’ve checked the pricing, It’s humbling. It’s very important that your 3L time is just the two of you. No outside influences. This time together talking about your must haves will ensure your soon to be spouse will be able to stand up to your soon to be MIL regarding your choice of bourbon because they know how important it is to you. This time also allows you guys to see what you care about the least. If neither of you picked a summer wedding as a top priority, then we have found our first thing that we can use to keep you in budget. Get married in January and you will have way more venue options.

4a. Please be sure you leave this meeting with a budget in mind. You should be 98% sure you know how much money you will spend, where it will come from, and when you will have it on hand. You can’t start wedding planning without knowing how much you have to spend on the entire experience. Just like you wouldn’t go car shopping without knowing what you can afford to buy, you shouldn’t go venue shopping before you setting a budget.

5. Find a Wedding Planner: Yes, I know this is tooting my own horn or patting myself of the back, or grandstanding. Whatever you call it this step is important. I cannot not stress to you how important it is to have someone guide you through this process. Even if Event Shoppe Chicago is too witty for you, finding a wedding planner that fits your personality is a must. Wedding planners plan 30+ weddings a year for several years. This means we are the experts. We know what venues are best to work with, what photographers are the worst to work with, and what caterers always over deliver. This is our field and we love it. Hopefully this is your first wedding and even if you are Liz Taylor, on your third wedding, you still don’t have the information stored in the brain of a wedding planner.  Many planners offer an array of services. At the Event Shoppe Chicago, we can provide full wedding planning starting with your venue search all the way down to your napkin fold. Or we can manage your final details with so many custom packages in-between.

Bonus!

a. Life Hack: Even if you decided to go with the Final Details Package, which is often referred to as month of wedding coordination, do it early! This makes sure your favorite planner is available. Also, if you book your wedding planner early enough, you will be able to email them with all your questions along the way. Most packages, including ours, come with unlimited emails. Check out our Brittany & Kiowa’s romantic fall wedding to learn more about the soap-opera-level tragedy that brought them to the Event Shoppe Chicago and how having a wedding planner saved the day.

b. Myth Buster 1: Wedding planners are not magicians. While we are able to corral a drunk or late wedding party while simultaneously queuing the DJ to start the ceremony; we can not fly a helicopter around downtown so you can finish photos at 2 different locations in 20 minutes. We want to work with you from the start to make sure you don’t set unrealistic expectations.

c. Myth Buster 2: Your favorite organized cousin should not be your wedding planner. You can not attend a wedding as a guest and work a wedding at the same time. One of those things will suffer. Your cousin will unintentionally drop the ball making sure cake is cut or they will not see your first dance because the flower girl had to go to the bathroom. These two things cannot co-exist in this realm.  Maybe in the Spider-Verse but not here.

Now that we’ve discussed the necessary stuff, let’s show off some of our favorite engagement photos. Be sure to schedule your 20 minute chat with Event Shoppe Chicago if you are preparing to propose or just got in engaged so we can get you on the road to start wedding planning.